dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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