I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
