i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
