I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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