just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
