my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Btw I puked in your glovebox
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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