i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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