I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
