We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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