Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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