im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
