I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Panties = found
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
