I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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