He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
