Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
