I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The air was thick with penises
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
