I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
