so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
