You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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