You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
