I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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