Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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