Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
