twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
