well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize