My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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