don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
