I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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