No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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