so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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