i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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