Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
