I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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