Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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