this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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