Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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