tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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