So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
