Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
