"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
