I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
