New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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