Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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