Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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