How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
