I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
