K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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