If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I supernannyed him into submission
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
