and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
