sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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