Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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