dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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