I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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