I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize