I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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