During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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