god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
