Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
