Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
