Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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