I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
