Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
