I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
