he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
