I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
