Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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