My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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