you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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