New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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