after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
