As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
you never un-have a 4some
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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