There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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