Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
