Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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