from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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