please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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