how can u be prego again
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
