I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
