I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize