is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
