I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
